There are common challenges many women can face when they are in age gap relationships. Regardless of whether you are dating/married to a man much younger than you or it's your partner that’s older.

Something that can often crop up and become a thorn in the side when left untackled is the issue of being judged. Often it’s the judgement from other people in our lives bearing down on us or a fear of being judged by others. Both scenarios can become uncomfortable and stressful however confident we are. But there’s more, it’s those judgements we wittingly or unwittingly place on ourselves that can creep into our lives too. For example, we may start to judge and compare ourselves unfavourably with the dreaded “younger model”. If we’re not in tune with and keeping tabs on our less constructive thoughts as well as the feelings and moods they can give rise to, this risks rippling out and eventually straining an otherwise healthy, loving relationship. 

So, what can women in an age gap relationship do to hold her side of the relationship strong, upbeat and confident both for herself and her beloved?

Journal

Allowing the pen to release our thoughts and feelings can help identify the issues truly bugging us and that might need addressing. What we feel about ourselves projects outwards, so get strategic with your journalling! For example, if you suspect you might be falling into the comparison trap and/or judging yourself, get it all out on paper. Make a list of the ways you see you’re comparing yourself to others in relation to your partner or ways you may be judging yourself a tad too harshly. Read back your lists and give yourself an honest appraisal. For each point, ask yourself:

Is it true? 
If it’s true, does it matter? 
Can I change it?

The truth is we can rob ourselves, as well as our partner, of a whole bunch of joy by focusing energy on things we do not have the power to change or by judging ourselves harshly. Better instead to redirect the focus onto what you bring to the relationship and why you are so good together, after all that’s what truly counts! By doing that, it can become much easier to allow all the good stuff in your relationship to have room to flourish. 

Harmony

Enemy No.1 towards enjoying a harmonious age gap relationship surely must be overthinking! It’s easy to create more issues for you and your relationship by spiralling into overthink mode, thereby creating what you wanted to avoid in the first place. When we give off an “air” that we expect or fear judgement, chances are it’ll happen more often. Whether people judge or not, it’s how you feel about YOU that counts - when you allow yourself to feel calm, centred and secure you can allow your relationship to evolve at a more natural pace. This not only takes pressure off you, it takes pressure off your partner too.

Embody

What kind of partner do YOU want to be in your age gap relationship, how do you want to show up? If you’re not entirely sure what that looks like, think about someone you admire in a similar situation and how she would handle being judged by others? How does she feel about herself, how does she carry herself? … When you have a clear picture of who you want to be in your partnership, you can start embodying more of that persona. Fortunately, none of us is carved out in stone, everyone can grow and blossom regardless of our life stage.

Relationships

Pressures on an age gap relationship can start outside the partnership itself - peer or family pressure, for example. Couples should not need to deal with that kind of pressure, but of course we have no control over the behaviour of others. So, it’s useful to remind ourselves that if there are those exerting pressure, opinions and judgements on you and/or your partner, that’s a reflection of them and not about you, the happy couple. Such external pressures are not your issues nor your partner’s, they can arise through jealousies, envy or simply wanting to see you just be as you always have been to them. Your challenge therefore is to seek peace, calm and confidence within yourself while being kind yet firm with those outside of your relationship. 

*Note -  when I say “peace” I do not mean at the cost of your voice, needs and feelings!

Expansion

Whatever stage of life you or your partner are at, taking full responsibility for your own growth and development is a must. It’s having things that enrich your life outside of your relationship with your partner. We instinctively know when we’re on to a good thing when there are shared values, interests and ideas for a future that can be built on. However, it can be pretty hard sustaining an amazing partnership if we’re not actively nurturing and cultivating our own personal growth beyond the partnership.

Having been in age gap relationships myself, I'm writing from personal experience and the things I've learned along the way. I know all about the myriad issues that can come up. That said, in many ways, having an amazing age gap relationship is not so different to any other romantic partnership. Yes, it can throw up all sorts of challenges. But, when you and your partner are on the same track, with a healthy balance of common ground and goals, age differences become less important. The bottom line is that enjoying a happy love relationship starts with nurturing and cultivating a healthy, happy relationship with you first.

Hannah x

P.S. Are you struggling with your Age Gap relationship? Do you find your confidence lacking and doubts creeping in... Now is the time to grab your free YouLiberated Kit, and book a call with me, and let's see if we can work through some of those feelings. Start here