Are you happy being miserable?

We do our best to remain positive and upbeat. We do our best to rise to the occasion, even in the most challenging of times. The thing is, we can also end up doing this to the point of stuffing down our moods and emotions. We want to put on a strong, brave face for those around us as well as ourselves. Perhaps because we fear being a burden on our friends, colleagues and loved ones but also there can be societal pressure to maintain that stiff upper lip. Frankly, that’s not always healthy. Have you ever replied “I’m fine thanks” when someone asks how you are, knowing full well you are far from being “fine”, and oh boy could you do with offloading at least some of what’s bottled up inside? I know I’ve said it, at times accompanied by a bright smile that can feel like Pollyanna on steroids.

The point about suppressing our moods and emotions is that sooner or later, whether we want it or not, those moods and emotions will start leaking out and perhaps in less healthy ways than if we tackle them face on in the first place. Without an outlet to express what’s on our minds fully and be able to work through issues, be that through talking to someone or journalling, that pressure will take its toll.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting we should all be running out airing our innermost feelings and moods with all and sundry. Far from it! Yet, having a non-judgemental outlet to express what’s on our minds, a place to work through issues, problems, moods and feelings is vital to emotional wellbeing. This of course was the inspiration for YouLiberated. I wanted to create a safe space for people to be able to offload and bounce off their ideas as well as help provide simple, practical solutions to tackle particular life situations and moods that can at times hold us back from leading a more fulfilling life. We don’t always want to share what’s on our minds with those directly involved in our lives but we’re not always looking for therapy/counselling or traditional touchy-feely life coaching either ...

... At the opposite end of this spectrum we find the so-called “moaning Minnies”, seemingly spreading dark clouds of misery wherever they go. These are the souls carrying around a shopping list of complaints and problems as long as your arm, should you accidentally enquire how they are. You know the ones, those who seem to thrive on being miserable, relish in their complaints and seemingly never to blame for anything that shows up in their lives. It’s a sure fire way to carve out a lonely existence as people back away from this energy of bitterness and victimhood, thus perpetuating the cycle.

There can be so many reasons why someone takes on a bitter victim persona. Just like the forced Pollyanna on steroids smile of “yeah, I’m good thanks” before swiftly moving on with your day or changing the topic, it’s a coping mechanism. Neither of these coping mechanisms promotes emotional wellbeing or joy. One suppresses natural moods and emotions from being resolved and the other prevents the individual taking responsibility for their experiences in life and allowing more of the good stuff to come their way.

I don’t know about you, but I know I’ve likely hit both points of the spectrum at certain specific moments of my life. The key impetus to change, was firstly the awareness that these issues existed and held me back unnecessarily from having better experiences. Secondly, there had to be a willingness and commitment to change for the better and to find solutions to deal with life’s challenges in healthier ways. Nobody has to stay stuck from breaking free from old patterns and coping strategies that we’ve figured out actually don’t serve us. There are as many avenues to get support as there are issues we want to solve. Even if you don’t have an answer just yet, have trust and faith that there are solutions out there. Being open and curious about solutions that you may not have considered or thought of is also a solid way to allow them come to you all the quicker.

Hannah x

P.S. If you’re ever feeling a bit off kilter and would like to chat with someone outside of your usual circles, there's a FREE YouLiberated Friendship Connection Call waiting for you right here